q u e s t i o n n a i r e .

The following will help us sort you, while also offering us invaluable feedback on what our next collection of music should sound like (in order to best accommodate the sorted).

1. Where are my millions?

   a.) Penciled in

   b.) To take the edge off

   c.) Another thing coming

   d.) Packed for all possible seasons

   e.) Magistrate seeks romance

2. My favorite ocean is:

    a.) milk

    b.) cream

    c.) eggs

    d.) strawberries

    e.) sugar

3. Before going to bed:

    a.) food coloring

    b.) “stop talking about your ideal gravestone or I’ll send you to it now”

    c.) everyone is afraid

    d.) more compression

    e.) I’m on fire

4. Unstable sense of self-worth:

    a.) *Gulp*

   b.) Where will lust lead me?

   c.) Allergic to cats

   d.) Frighteningly incorrect shade of aura

   e.) Fashionably uninvited

5. Next up:

   a.) Prince of Darkness

   b.) Public Defender

   c.) The mafia, more or less

   d.) Void, of course

   e.) The famous are usually correct

6. The world is up there and I am way down here: 

   a.) Questionable blast radius

   b.) A polymer capable of anything

   c.) I can feel it but I can’t see it

   d.) Black tie required

   e.) Back to work

7. Impossibly nice cops:

   a.) Entirely reasonable

   b.) Somewhat reasonable

   c.) Neither here nor there

   d.) Somewhat unreasonable

   e.) Entirely unreasonable

8. Blind ambition led me here:

   a.) Threshold for cash flow

   b.) Maximum Aerosmith

   c.) Scene of the crime

   d.) No guilty pleasure only pleasure

   e.) I need a shave

9. Overachiever is to ______ as ______ is to _______: 

   a.) Broke. Again.

   b.) At knifepoint

   c.) As a tourist in your own bed

   d.) There is no period on this sentence

   e.) Because I wanted to

10. I am never alone:

   a.) Melting

   b.) Somewhere down there

   c.) Who’s laughing now?

   d.) Follow the equator

   e.) Alpha and Omega

11. A situation I could never quite avoid:

   a.) Jacketed in light

   b.) A healthy lunch is all I need

   c.) Where are my millions?

   d.) Animals incapable of pain

   e.) Never go to bed angry

12. Safe in the cull:

   a.) Discovered by searchlights

   b.) Good advice

   c.) Not enough to share

   d.) “On my desk by tomorrow morning.”

   e.) Sickened by the nostalgia of others, but not your own

13. Can’t dead horses dig up themselves?

   a.) A new month has been discovered

   b.) Sprawling bloat

   c.) I can’t see that far

   d.) A paltry offering

   e.) Kidnapped, living well.

14. Nudity doesn’t grab me like it used to:

   a.) My father’s son

   b.) Inappropriately timed farewell

   c.) Destination Wedding

   d.) Facts are facts

   e.) Born ready

15. Some fantasies are better than others:

   a.) I tested out

   b.) Pathetic bitrate, this won’t do

   c.) Sleeping soundly

   d.) They don’t make medicine for this

   e.) Sophomore effort

16. I am not disturbed: 

   a.) I open my mouth and the words come to me

   b.) Lifelong acne

   c.) 40hz and below

   d.) Slumber party

   e.) Complete collapse

17. Overnight in the reeds:

   a.) A new trick

   b.) Cloyingly sweet

   c.) They don’t really mean it

   d.) Chiseled features

   e.) It’s easy to start a fight

18. My favorite sensation is ______: 

   a.) Grass that doesn’t grow

   b.) I could somersault to the moon

   c.) DVD collection

   d.) Where are my millions?

   e.) I’m not playing, they’re insane

19. I could listen to the radio all day long and all night long: 

   a.) My closest friends

   b.) “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you”

   c.) Reduced on all sides

   d.) Easy money

   e.) A deadly combination

20. My expectations are low:

   a.) I can feel it

   b.) Don’t tell me what I want to hear

   c.) Buzzer beater

   d.) Laughter is my currency

   e.) Early favorites include ______

21. If I understood: 

   a.) Celebrity would keep me from saying the wrong things

   b.) Drifting off

   c.) You look positively ancient

   d.) Nothing between us anymore

   e.) Close to extinction

22. Desire can only take me so far: 

   a.) Photo finish

   b.) I’ve never seen the ocean

   c.) Another pleased customer

   d.) Only slightly offended

   e.) Trickle down, you’ll find your spenders

23. Every ounce of my strength: 

   a.) Safely negotiated

   b.) He’s not going away, is he?

   c.) The view from up here

   d.) Turned on by your screenname

   e.) Pure ammunition

24. The ground looked on fire:

   a.) Carried in beaks

   b.) Magical, the wrong kind of magical

   c.) You are perfect

   d.) Final round

   e.) A real thrill

25. My motives are crystal-clear:

   a.) In a ball on the floor

   b.) A second, and then third, brain

   c.) Welcome to the rat race

   d.) If I run out of money, please don’t tell me

   e.) Unlisted

26. Easy to miss:

   a.) Things worked themselves out

   b.) “You can be a good person”

   c.) Access to superior firepower

   d.) Death games

   e.) Your name in lights

27. Can’t back out now:

   a.) Puritan work ethic

   b.) Not a scratch

   c.) I am my own chaperone

   d.) Escalators vs. elevators

   e.) Tastes objectively better

28. Proof would make me feel better:

   a.) In bed by 9

   b.) Cuticle discomfort

   c.) A landlord with a dream

   d.) My least favorite episode so far

   e.) No excuse

29. Recent purchases include: 

   a.) I miss you

   b.) The sun deserves to be harnessed

   c.) Sawed in half

   d.) Everything on stilts

   e.) Feeling flirty

30. Where are my millions?

   a.) Not enough gas masks

   b.) Good luck

   c.) Never learned how

   d.) Stolen milk

   e.) On various arks

31. Don’t mind me: 

   a.) Maybe I have been cloned

   b.) Overdoses minimized

   c.) Pissing in jam jars

   d.) Flying cars

   e.) I can’t help you right now

32. Things when you close your eyes you may still see:

   a.) Happier than you will ever be

   b.) I trust you will print a retraction

   c.) Frequently updated

   d.) Picking up speed

   e.) I don’t see it as a problem

33. My insides are moving around:

   a.) Hyperlinks

   b.) I hiccupped at the wrong time

   c.) I will sit very still until something truly exciting happens

   d.) I can’t tell the fairway from the green

   e.) Lifetime supply

34. Heating up:

   a.) Away from family

   b.) Can I be a factor in your decision?

   c.) 10 bold calories

   d.) Firm but fair

   e.) Perfect gap

35. I’m taking dead aim:

   a.) Early symptoms of vertigo

   b.) Inappropriate attention span

   c.) End of days

   d.) I know it backwards and forwards

   e.) “Truly shocking to find you here”

36. Five-year plan:

   a.) Reduced to vapors

   b.) It was fun, I was soaking wet

   c.) A great guy

   d.) Nowhere to land

   e.) Give me a chance

37. My connection fell apart at the last minute: 

   a.) With a straight face

   b.) Bad makeup

   c.) Barged right in

   d.) I could travel downward forever

   e.) Everything has fingerprints

38. With weather like this: 

   a.) Four years sober

   b.) Dragon breeder

   c.) “I’m not raising my voice”

   d.) I live with my parents

   e.) Discarded harddrive

39. I’m far too young for this: 

   a.) Their leader asked the wrong questions

   b.) Valley of the pre-obsolete

   c.) Not a dry eye in the house

   d.) These conversion charts make no sense

   e.) Nail biter

40. Not something I can talk about: 

   a.) From the ski slopes of Vermont

   b.) Take me drunk I’m home

   c.) Petty cash

   d.) Like a Greek god

   e.) Everyone mispronounces my name

41. Things are not perfect and I want to make them better: 

   a.) The safest car, out of gas

   b.) Civilian clothing

   c.) No one can remember everything

   d.) Just an exercise

   e.) Custom retrofit

42. Everything must go: 

   a.) Series of spasms

   b.) The devil’s interval

   c.) I will become a part of the intelligence community

   d.) Career-maker

   e.) Beheaded. Head grew back

43. Interrupted during prayer:

   a.) I’m not being lazy; I simply don’t care

   b.) Liver spots

   c.) Eager to spend my pay

   d.) It wasn’t there and then it was

   e.) Two sets of books

44. My principles won’t allow me to:

   a.) Total kiss off

   b.) Lifelike graphics

   c.) Still growing my hair out

   d.) Cracked struts

   e.) Sandbagging sonofabitch

45. I can read in several languages: 

   a.) Spring-loaded awl

   b.) On the chopping block

   c.) Best New Music

   d.) I’m losing clients left and right

   e.) Asymmetrical features

46. I refuse to take out others’ trash: 

   a.) At every checkpoint, a string quartet

   b.) Two thumbs up

   c.) Weakened constitution

   d.) Binding arbitration

   e.) We’re business associates, that’s all

47. Compare and contrast with known truths:

   a.) All but irresistible

   b.) I will throw myself on the grenades

   c.) How worried should I be?

   d.) Decades of poor time management

   e.) Filmed on location

48. My 2nd amendment rights:

   a.) Attraction to members of immediate family

   b.) Corner office

   c.) Teach myself to play piano

   d.) Medical examiner was delayed

   e.) I’m not as flexible as I used to be

49. Swimming in ethics charges:

   a.) Mother lode

   b.) A powerful disinfectant

   c.) I am hard as nails

   d.) Bulldozed to the ground

   e.) Love at first sight

50. Did someone put you up to this? 

   a.) I pledge allegiance

   b.) In the comfort of your own home

   c.) I’m set in my ways

   d.) In the zone

   e.) In the future, I will refer to myself as “sir”

51. My misdeeds are my own:

   a.) Two forms of identification required

   b.) Word of mouth

   c.) Polka-dotted tonsils

   d.) Who’s next?

   e.) My heart is in the right place

52. I appreciate feeling ambushed:

   a.) Election year

   b.) Romantic comedy soundtracks

   c.) Where are my millions?

   d.) Once I thought of myself as a “rogue” it was easy to keep going

   e.) Stockpiles have expired

53. An empire was growing in my head at night:

   a.) Lay down by my side

   b.) Stop texting me

   c.) I checked every connection, we’re good to go

   d.) Platinum thimbles

   e.) Ocean walks/drinking blood

54. Who do you think you are?

   a.) Every world war is fought over me

   b.) Localized ice age

   c.) Check engine

   d.) I’d like to stop answering questions now

   e.) Wish it away

55. Personality matrix:

   a.) Easy come, easy go

   b.) At a distance, the differences are negligible

   c.) The human tongue

   d.) I’m taking cooking classes

   e.) A loner, a congressman, and a German shepherd walk into a bar

56. First thing in the morning: 

   a.) Exciting new ad campaign

   b.) I am no dilettante

   c.) My favorite joke

   d.) My middle finger should explain it if you know what I mean

   e.) I felt I was being followed

57. Heavily insinuated: 

   a.) Crippling lumbar pain

   b.) Patents pending

   c.) I am down on my knees

   d.) Pillow fights every night

   e.) Last in line to meet the king

58. Looks different with the lights on:

   a.) I’m just a patsy

   b.) Secret ingredient

   c.) An echo, and I’m uncomfortable with echoes

   d.) Psychics bored with powers

   e.) I could never sell out

59. I let history do the real work on its own: 

   a.) Bad hair day

   b.) Only one suspicion among many

   c.) We danced, and I think we both enjoyed it

   d.) To the awful brink

   e.) I will meet you at the start

60. Feel no shame in satisfaction:

   a.) I stand against the future and all its unwholesome promise

   b.) Right between the eyes

   c.) Where the two sects truly diverge

   d.) A swim in the Adriatic

   e.) The car is warming up

61. I will not stray: 

   a.) Sipping beer on the warped patio

   b.) Like you, I was born

   c.) Third cancellation notice

   d.) Terrible headaches

   e.) I am not the bad police

62. Poorly allocated social capital: 

   a.) In beta

   b.) Various wiretaps

   c.) We may be here for a while

   d.) Because I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt

   e.) Fog so thick you could taste it

63. Just once I would like things to go as planned:

   a.) Grinning like an idiot

   b.) I frequently pretend to drown

   c.) Don’t hold your breath

   d.) Feeding lions to children

   e.) Bedside manner

64. I will eventually irreparably embarrass myself:

   a.) Crash diets

   b.) Let me give you my card

   c.) A handful or so

   d.) Numerous spouses, unaware of each other

   e.) Blood flow

65. Tanlines in all the wrong places:

   a.) I only understand loud noises

   b.) I’ve misplaced my jackboots

   c.) Monsanto

   d.) Trying to summon you away

   e.) Pure, un-talked-about, free

66. Ask me again in ten years:

   a.) All belief systems begin as cults

   b.) Just vague enough

   c.) I have a great sense of humor

   d.) Boys’ night out

   e.) Exit strategy

67. Something is rotting in the chimney:

   a.) Craft services

   b.) Wrapped around a telephone pole

   c.) I finally tried it for myself and now I understand

   d.) Double-breasted, wingtips

   e.) This is as dressed up as I get

68. Where does my power come from?

   a.) Flatlining

   b.) You be the laughs, I’ll be the audience

   c.) Strained falsetto

   d.) Fill your pockets full

   e.) R-rated movies

69. I’m writing my memoirs:

   a.) Celebrity endorsements

   b.) Poor choice of words

   c.) I oppose annexation of any kind

   d.) Second Coming

   e.) I will protect you until the end

70. A dizzying amount of knowledge

   a.) Sometimes I don’t leave the house

   b.) Another broken nose

   c.) Waiting on your lawn

   d.) Triple pole, double throw

   e.) Wrong side of the tracks

71. Excessive force: 

   a.) Two packs a day for thirty years

   b.) Feel a twist in your arm

   c.) Brother/sister

   d.) All-time high score

   e.) They can tell when you’re sleeping

72. Our endless words, overheard:

   a.) “Sharp knives to dull spoons”

   b.) “You should come around sometime”

   c.) “So few things we can talk about”

   d.) “Glissing”

   e.) “Deluded by bad checks”

73. Inability to read faces:

   a.) Favored to win

   b.) I’ll take my chances

   c.) Sidechained to oblivion

   d.) My portion grows daily

   e.) The cameras are pointing our way

74. I could never look away: 

   a.) Sleeping in trees, but we can talk about it

   b.) Terminated

   c.) This is ridiculous

   d.) Nowhere near

   e.) No slack will be cut

75. There are too many rules already: 

   a.) My job was to sweep for mines

   b.) Interchangeable insects

   c.) Forever young

   d.) Like in an action movie

   e.) In the best shape of my life

76. How would you characterize your relationship to the natural world?

   a.) Major label debut

   b.) Fingers worn down to nubs

   c.) Psychomedical officer

   d.) Not a dreamer in the lot of us

   e.) I take myself too seriously

77. I allow the weather to affect my mood more than I would like: 

   a.) Pie to the face routine

   b.) Miles per gallon

   c.) I root for whoever is winning

   d.) Buried in paperwork

   e.) Opera performances cut in half

78. Easily impressed:

   a.) Another word for safe

   b.) Constantly bawling

   c.) Annual advertising budget

   d.) I need space

   e.) Corruption (or the appearance thereof) doesn’t frighten me

79. Eternally at play: 

   a.) I could sleep through anything

   b.) Poor depth perception

   c.) Because they have the best algorithm

   d.) I need to learn to loosen up

   e.) Marriage doesn’t work without compromise

80. Catastrophic losses: 

   a.) I generally say what I mean

   b.) Mass exodus

   c.) I’m taking up a new sport

   d.) I make a statement with my attire

   e.) Target practice

81. I need and deserve a vacation:

   a.) All the smart words sound stupid

   b.) The end could come via hydroplaning

   c.) No physical evidence

   d.) Appeals to multiple key demographics

   e.) Whose side am I on?

82. I would lose all respect for myself: 

   a.) Boys will be boys

   b.) Wrapped around my finger

   c.) Cops on horseback

   d.) Work hard/play hard

   e.) I have dealt with it all my life

83. Transferred to another department:

   a.) No one alive to talk about it

   b.) In bad taste

   c.) Hour-long commute

   d.) I am rarely offended for others

   e.) Going to hell

84. I don’t believe in coincidence: 

   a.) Both kinds of wedding band

   b.) I’m writing a novel

   c.) Auto-launch fireworks

   d.) Product development

   e.) I got sloppy, it won’t happen again

85. My biggest fear is being considered annoying: 

   a.) Reasonable expectations

   b.) Never had a cavity

   c.) Please, God, stop

   d.) I like a good chorus

   e.) My dreams are objectively better than yours

86. Several commercials for the same thing:

   a.) Feeling overlooked

   b.) “I’ve addressed that… and now I’m moving on”

   c.) Low liquidity ratio

   d.) I’m approaching Brennschluss

   e.) All of my employees are highly trained and fictional

87. I was amazed to wake up and find out I hadn’t alienated all of my friends the night before: 

   a.) The editing made me feel nauseated, I had to excuse myself from the theater

   b.) Familiar dynamic

   c.) I need a megaphone

   d.) Avoiding any kind of regional dialect

   e.) The flute solo was incredibly touching

88. Changes password frequently: 

   a.) I know I’m acting suspiciously but can’t stop

   b.) Wide right turns

   c.) Are you interested?

   d.) Since I was a kid

   e.) I’d prefer you didn’t

89. How do I keep myself from stealing?

   a.) We could rip out neighbors’ hearts

   b.) Combed for doubt

   c.) I don’t consider it spying

   d.) Come back

   e.) Necromancer, wishing

90. Police yourself:

   a.) Leave town

   b.) Decency should dictate the things you think about

   c.) I don’t trust my trigger finger

   d.) Somebody typing words they do not mean

   e.) Somebody wants you bad

91. Proof there are parties they won’t let you into:

   a.) My family

   b.) The best place to hide one’s spare key

   c.) They can hear when you breathe

   d.) Skittle-colored

   e.) Nazi ghouls

92. There’s an opening above my head: 

   a.) I buy wholesale

   b.) They paid better

   c.) A crowd is amassing

   d.) Just to watch you sleep

   e.) Ersatz moon

93. “Because you won’t listen”:

   a.) Go away

   b.) Christmas Eve

   c.) Down your dimming spine

   d.) It’s going to feel like dying

   e.) Resources are depleted

94. I value secrecy primarily because: 

   a.) A furrowed brow

   b.) Untaxed income

   c.) The early hits

   d.) Lycanthropic violence

   e.) “When I’m talking to you, you’ll know it”

95. Any future I want: 

   a.) On the rocks

   b.) Accidental shapeshifting

   c.) Already dressed like a widow

   d.) It wasn’t forever

   e.) God’s green Earth

96. I’m a good listener: 

   a.) Shabbily dressed

   b.) “It’s ancient history, don’t worry about it”

   c.) Poorly attended viewing party

   d.) A certain lopsidedness of temperament

   e.) I could forgive much neglect more easily than the least degree of interference

97. I worry I’m viewed as parasitic:

   a.) A pile of money

   b.) Yes, I know several hitmen

   c.) I feel jazzed

   d.) Formatting error

   e.) An afternoon nap

98. The servo arm was going haywire, we were scared:

   a.) It’s my birthday today

   b.) Suited up

   c.) A candidate in the offing

   d.) Criminals beneath parasols

   e.) A poor substitute

99. Enlarged to show detail:

   a.) I don’t resent anyone

   b.) I’m cutting all ties

   c.) Where are my millions?

   d.) I consider myself the ideal picture frame

   e.) I can’t taste anything

100. How tough do I need to be?

   a.) Woken from the dead

   b.) The dark is a presence

   c.) New haircut

   d.) Walking bassline

   e.) A million notes per octave

101. I am learning to share:

   a.) The ground wire came disconnected

   b.) Stages on life’s way

   c.) Uneven steps

   d.) Violent swings; painful in fact

   e.) Every night, before bed

102. The most reluctant convert:

   a.) Your falsetto is terrible

   b.) True poverty

   c.) Accounts in arrears

   d.) I saw the puppies and they saw me

   e.) Coma patient

103. Crickets, everywhere:

   a.) You’ve reaped what you’ve sewn

   b.) Palm muted for extra effect

   c.) We don’t talk about it anymore

   d.) Tasteless exaggeration

   e.) I stayed up all week

104. Eventually you will learn how to play your instrument (or you’ll pay):

   a.) Stunning profile

   b.) They didn’t understand at all

   c.) The sea was writhing with life

   d.) The helicopter is mine

   e.) Low resolution will be fine

105. How do you see me?

   a.) Pretense will get you nowhere

   b.) I can only ride one horse at a time

   c.) Righteous licks

   d.) Tonight, crime is demanded

   e.) The wind the wind the wind the wind the wind the wind

106. No one’s brain works for forever:

   a.) Asymptotic decline

   b.) Divide however you see fit

   c.) The city for me

   d.) Deradoorian in Dorian

   e.) The reunion should never have happened

107. Favorite flavor: 

   a.) They pretend but I see through it

   b.) Happy New Year

   c.) I wouldn’t call it sleep

   d.) Legally required satellite apparatus

   e.) A feeling tethered by headphones

108. I must keep my superpowers under control:

   a.) In the shade I found relief

   b.) What does SMS stand for?

   c.) Properly compressed

   d.) List of acceptable joke formats

   e.) Bad cello solo

109. The last book I read:

   a.) Ownership used to mean something

   b.) The sky is held up by the hatred the wealthy feel toward the poor

   c.) This will be sorted by tomorrow, do you understand?

   d.) My fingers are frozen

   e.) Couldn’t see the license plate

110. I’m not avoiding you:

   a.) A thing or two to learn

   b.) Instrumental version

   c.) Italicized and underlined

   d.) Not forever now

   e.) I made it for you

111. You will love each other:

   a.) My voice and your voice together

   b.) Not all lucre is filthy

   c.) Showed me how to start a real fire

   d.) Part my ribs, replace my heart

   e.) Midnight isn’t late enough

112. Trounced in the ratings:

   a.) When there’s honey in your blood

   b.) When there’s feeling where there was

   c.) You could pass out from the rush

   d.) Try it once or twice

   e.) Live for its hot touch

113. Remote as could be:

   a.) Nauseated by physical violence

   b.) There was a pillow but no bed

   c.) Eventually I’ll realize these aren’t really options

   d.) When God comes back

   e.) Intended as a gift

114. Then why didn’t you return the gesture? 

   a.) Sunroof included

   b.) Checks and balances seen as “optional”

   c.) Nothing more required

   d.) I love you so much I’m going to explode

   e.) We set off into the mountains, unsure of almost everything

115. Climate change, if real, will not affect me or those I care about:

   a.) The keys to the kingdom

   b.) In addition to

   c.) Wherever I go, I am at work

   d.) I could hear the bass through the wall

   e.) Trustworthy neighbors

116. Morally questionable choreography:

   a.) I sin when I feel like it

   b.) Can I ride on your ark?

   c.) A truly horrific tan

   d.) Miles and miles

   e.) On second thought, no

117. When to walk away: 

   a.) I found the animation disturbing

   b.) Standard operating procedure doesn’t address this

   c.) Woke up, understood the world

   d.) Lift kits for all

   e.) He won’t talk to me anymore

118. Nothing here to disrupt:

   a.) Fell asleep to Robocop again

   b.) The hiccups

   c.) I didn’t know this feeling was possible

   d.) Breakfast for dinner

   e.) Whoever they were, they switched the hard drive on me when I wasn’t looking

119. Gave me the finger:

a.) Sensitivity as disease

b.) My license was revoked

c.) The basement is more affordable

d.) I believed I could fly

e.) Never fully recovered

120. I am:

    a.) Dead

    b.) Alive

Thank you for your time. Please print out your answers and send the results to:

S. Smith

49 South 2nd Street

Brooklyn, NY 11249